Wednesday, August 31, 2005

hohey.

the problem with me--i know what i have to do.
i dont want to do it.
why?dont know.

i'm back to writing them letters.at least i wrote one.
much similarity to the very shocking one i wrote to you,minhui, in sec 3.

i think i'm running for sc vice chair.
something to do.

i have become a pig with a cow's stomach.

outbreak.break out.
outreach.reach out.

take my hand.


hugged you @ -- 10:40 PM --


Sunday, August 28, 2005

wow.am i allowed to blog about this?

i woke up grouchy.
dressed up hurriedly.
greeted my parents spitefully.
ate selfishly.

reached church and was greeted by my pastor.
"the church has been shut down by the police as of this morning.
go home and pray for the church and my family as i might have to leave the country.
i have a meeting at the immigration later."
am i allowed to blog about this?

stunned.shocked.
we decided to stay and help the pastor inform other church members.
watched cars pass.people went home.
i was angry.thought we could camp outside and protest.no.
i was afraid.thought i wouldnt get to see nat again.no.
i was alone.no.
should i blog all this?

who do i call?i needed to talk.
who would understand?
what do i?
i was angry that i wasnt very much affected by this.
but was i?i believe it was the peace of God.
i went on to have buffet breakfast.
confused.
but believing my God was greater.
He was in charged.
can i blog this?

prayer.
if it doesnt move your heart it doesnt move God's heart.
prayer.
the peace of God transcend all understanding.
we prayed.

thank you all for praying.
prayer doesnt change God's mind.it changes our hearts.

later in the evening.
pastor and family are fine.
staying.
church might even be registered.
Thank you Lord.

i dont understand a lot of things.
and i dont agree with a lot of things.
but hear me on this.
God is real.
He is moving and this is an awakening.
The evil one doesnt like it.things happen.
but we have already won the battle.
the church is not the building.
shut it down.
i will still worship.
i will seek Him.
i will do His work.
the church is His people and we unite in prayer.
Holy Spirit fill us with the boldness.

i tell you this.
if you are my friend, get to know me.
you dont know me if you dont know Jesus.
get to know Jesus because i am nothing without Him.
if anything, i wish you Jesus.
i wanna tell you what He has done for you.what He will do to you.
i will blog about this.

to those who have been priviledged to be called His children.
i encourage you to prayer.to seek Him with all your heart.
to desire His power.He does not change.
He wants to do miracles in YOU.
He wants to heal the sick through YOU.
and He can.He will.

i will blog about this.
Jesus is real.




hugged you @ -- 7:28 PM --


Saturday, August 27, 2005

In Santa Monica
in the wintertime
the lazy streets so undemanding
I walk into the crowd
In Santa Monica
you get your coffee from
the coolest places on the promenade
Where people dress just so

Beauty so unavoidable
everywhere you turn it's there
I sit and wonder what am I doing here?

But on the telephone line I am anyone
I am anything I want to be.
I could be a super model or Norman Mailer
And you wouldn't know the difference
Or would you?

In Santa Monica
all the people got modern names like Jake or Mandy
And modern bodies too
In Santa Monica
on the boulevard,
you'll have to dodge those in-line skaters
Or they'll knock you down

I never felt so lonely
Never felt so out of place
I never wanted something more than this

But on the telephone line I am anyone
I am anything I want to be
I could be a super model or Norman Mailer
And you wouldn't know the difference
On the telephone line I am any height
I am any age I want to be
I could be a caped crusader, or space invader
And you wouldn't know the difference
Or would you?

Or would you?

-stale chocolate dont taste good


hugged you @ -- 9:54 PM --


i blogged a whole bunch but ot dc.damn.

ohwell.to cut a long story short.the camp wasnt as much fun as i hoped it'd have been.
boring bus rides.i've always loved bus rides.but.
but the place was nice.resort by the beach.
got thrown into the pool twice.
cooked..got egged..

we went to the sand dunes the first day.
lovely but sandy sandy place.
went sliding down the slopes..
got sand in my face but not as bad as jeff.
he decided he wanted to be mr. sandman and ran down the almost-90-degrees slope.

went absailing.
gosh i hate walking.didnt even know where to.
i thought i was going to absail off flat grassland into the sea.
den i saw the cliff.
i rather absail into the sea.
ohwell.freaked out quite a bit but decided that since noone before me screamed.it was ait.
apparently those ppl are insane or mute.
i went down didnt see anything but a steep drop and the waves crashing onto the rocks below.
and i screamed.quite loud.
my teacher said i could write abt this for my college essay--how i tried to commit suicide.

coming down was one thing.going up was another.all we had was a rope.
screamed somemore.i think i scared anthony.he was behind me and thought i'd fall and crush him to his death.
got back to the top but had to bake in the sun for hours.while waiting for the rest.

went back and had team building games.but i didnt do much as a leader.
not like the other camps.didnt do much as a team either i feel.
pmsed quite a bit too.didnt know wad to do during freetime.couldnt talk to ppl.

went to youth grp last night.
dont know wad i'm waiting for.
revival come.


hugged you @ -- 3:15 PM --


Friday, August 19, 2005

this is me blogging.i am blogging.i will blog in a bit.

today was by the best friday.why?
cuz i didnt have to go home after sch.
i really dont get why ppl dont hang out after sch.
it's why i look forward to end of sch-to hang out.no?
ohwell.nothing much in sch.
it's getting a wee bit boring.i hate classes.
tis the time i go on about the world's most annoying person.
she talks inappropriately at the wrong time(all the time)and is an attention seeker.
and wad does esther do with attention seekers?
give them all the attention they can get from a black eye.
i swear i'll punch her one day.if noone ties my hands behind my back.
maybe it's just be being so bored i notice the littlest things eh?
anywayy.went to shop a little with michelle/angela/anthony.
vietnam should really invest in some good neoprint machines.
i'm sooo sleepy now.

do i make sense?dont think so.brain not functioning the way it's supposed to.

ohwell.gym tmr.maybe massage as well.

to sidetrack:my boredom coupled with my senseless oversensitivity is going to get me into some crap soon enough.add on my pride.woOw.i've got trouble.

you're not here to stop me from being ruined.


hugged you @ -- 10:39 PM --


Tuesday, August 16, 2005

i'll be quick.
the weekend passed.
went to the gym on sat and den to the new mall--parkson.
it's decent.
sunday went to church, did my nails, evening prayer meeting.

monday.ohgosh.work load tripled or something.
i need a trolley to bring home my books.
why do i have more den one text for one subject?
and den today.went to sch.
there was this meeting for the high sch kids.
next week wed to fri.there's gonna be a camp.
i guess i'm looking forward to it but not like very excited about it.
i mean i dont know if the real me is gonna come out and if they'd be fine with it.
anyway i was voted to be a leader.
gee.had to choose my own grp.
it's like i cant say no to ppl so it got to a point that i realized most of the ppl in my grp are 2 years younger.dont ask.
and by the end of sch i had too many ppl and i forgot to write my own name down.
so i had to bump off one person.
but they being kids got all pissed and stuff i decided to bump myself off and join another team.
and they didnt want that so....yadayada i had to bump someone off.
and i still feel extremely bad about it.
ohwell i guess things might actually work out fine.
goodness i really dont wanna go piss anyone off.
but for sure if someone pisses me off.
the real esther's coming to town baby!

okayy.so i'll update if anything interesting happens.
it's raining and i'm listening to sentimental songs.
all i need now is you.


hugged you @ -- 11:15 PM --


Friday, August 12, 2005

thank God it's friday?
not quite.yea i thank God everyday.i'm one blessed person.
but ohwell.

see sch today was ok.it's starting to become boring.
no new friends.nothing new happening.
tried to be really excited abt classes.
but 2 chem textbks and 3 calculus textbks later.i lose interest.
i commented that noone at this sch hangs out after sch.
hope i didnt sound bad.my exact words:"what's wrong with all the ppl in this sch?"
hmmm.i think they hate me.
i'm done with homework.
that's how pathetic i am.finish homework on friday night.
was invited to the club tonight though.as of every other weekend.
hopefully i dont get to desperate to go to one of those things.

going to gym tmr.somehow i cant bring myself to call anyone and go:
"hey you free now?wanna meet?and do absolutely nothing in particular?"

i miss you.


hugged you @ -- 9:09 PM --


Thursday, August 11, 2005

day 2

went to sch with the positive attitude i always have.

oh who am i kidding.but i guess it wasnt a bad day.
first 2 blocks i helped the councilor pack her uni catalogs.
and den nothing much happened.
made a new friend from chili thought.
"hi! how are you??!!"he chirped.
"erm good.and you?"i lied.
"great!!"he shouted.
"really?how do you like sch so far?"i ventured.
"i like it a lot!"he squealed without hesitation.
"what's wrong with you?what sch were you from?"i fake-laughed.
"yea.chile.btw wad's your name?"he asked.
"oh esther.and you?"i offered.at this point his back strap broke-PAISEH-
"you can say me philip"he replied.
hmm that's all that was really interesting today.
oh and golferkid gave me the golf mag he was featured(front cover all)in.
"you can keep it i have 10 at home."he says.

did a bit of shopping after sch at the big big grocery store and all tt.

very sleepy now.have to do homework.second day already have.
i wont be bored at least.

top student here i come.


hugged you @ -- 11:02 PM --


Wednesday, August 10, 2005

back in vietnam.

first.remember the days in singapore.
the most memoriable days.
friday met my girls to watch charlie and the choc factory:)))
had roti prata and den came to my place stay over.
my gosh i miss you guys soooo much.
had confessions of the deepest darkest secrets till 4 am??
next day went to wild goose chase in the morning.
funfunfun!den worship prac.
next morning prayer walk and worship at palm beach at one fullerton:)
went shopping with ivan.den to indoor stadium.
FOP!!!woOOoHooOo.
got home late but happy.
den next day met with chyi and na.i love you too much to say.
and mahjong at night!

thank you everyone who bothered showing up to send me off.
really appreciate it.and tell you a secret.i tahan and den cried on the plane:)

hmm so the first day of sch today.
i went with the I'm-dont-care-if-you-dont-like-it-but-here's-me-take-it-or-leave-it attitude.
when arnd giving my unwanted hugs.i didnt care.
went arnd talking talking talking.i didnt care.
hyper and embarrassed myself quite a bit.i didnt care.
it's more relaxing really.though i could have wished for a better response.
classes were so screwed up though.
dont have many classes with ppl i like.
i'm taking classes i didnt choose too:
ap eng/ap bio/ap chem/ap cal/us hist/service/digi photo(?!)/math lab(??!)
there are new ppl but.well i guess i've gotta give them time to open up huh.5 months?

sch was over and i went down stairs half expecting someone to ask if i wanted to hang out and i saw my driver waiting.went home.sigh.
was just thinking how everyday would be like tt and i teared so i msged friends back home.
and they replied right away.THAT is wad you get from true friends.

anyway.dinner was ait but i was greeted by a communist meeting outside my hse.
they're done now.

what if i become a communist.or a terrorist(i alr have a pic of tt).or worse--someone else.

oh and i want a guy.for the sake of wanting one.someone slap me.


hugged you @ -- 10:28 PM --


Monday, August 01, 2005

4 books down one more to go..
it's THE thickest in the world.

okay i'm still hyped from the sonicfest thing..
nat and nikki came on thurs..zac and zareth brought them to my place.
den we went out to ps..met mark.
walked the many many stairs to fort canning(which would become the most dreaded thing for the next 2 days)
met nicky there.
wasnt the most appropriately dressed.
wore white skirt(was to sit on the grass)
since it was a sloping down hill thing where the stage was at the foot.
we decided to go all the way in front
which is--in front of the speakers.
i swear by the 3rd day my heart was throbbing in my throat tt i couldnt yawn/swallow/burp
the first night was crazyy-planetshakers was the highlight.
bought their newest album(found out that batch of cds was funny so get new one)
mark and nicky got me my christmas present ahaha!a loudhailer teeshirt.
got home at 11??

next day went down to tm first..bought polotee and shorts.
walked arnd in town..bought my mac eyeshadows :))
went down to sonicfest at 6 again.
was all the way in front again this time in shorts.
it was crazy too but this time with planetshakers AND sonicflood.
jumping so much my legs were on autopilot.totally no control.
den went down to check esplanade/cityhall mrt station to see if the breakers were there.
they werent.
so went home at 12(THE most expensive cab ride)

couldnt wake up the next day hahahaha.
went down to ps for a bit den to sonicfest at 3pm?
went to the theatre for awhile.
a dj was scratching, the light was funky.
but everyone was seated down.
so after awhile we managed to get some ppl to dance with us.sigh.
den to do more shopping at the village when debbie came.
had a good talk with her too!!thanks dear for sharing with me.
will always be here for you and praying too!
rmb that God is great-nothing we can to change the fact that He has and always will love us.
another crazee crazee night.
with helicopters and planes and fireworks in the background ha.
jump jump shout shout sing sing way in the front.
i was vietnamese ;)
den went to ivan's cousin's bar.or railing more like it.
reached home at 12?

the best part of the 3day concert was that in all that loudness.
i was able to stand still in the presence of God and pray.
pray whatever i wanted.
and i truly pray it's not gonna be one of those spiritual high.
also praying that when we all go back to viet(nat/nikki/zac/zareth/me)
we'll be able to get it right with God.

maybe things wont be that bad there.
one more week of fun.(i'll miss everyone back home so bad)
but six months of revival.

Lord prepare me for this battle that i'll fight for YOU.


hugged you @ -- 12:37 PM --